I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
