On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
