I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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