i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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