Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
