I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
