Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
FUCK WHALES
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
