Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
