Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
