i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
