I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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