Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
