she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
