I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
