yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
