I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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