i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
