Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
