Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
