M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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