i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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