Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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