I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
