Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
