Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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