I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
