screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
