im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
