I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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