So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
