i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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