My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
