if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
and you fell through a lawn chair
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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