jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
