that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
