you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
