Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
