everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
