Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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