Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
