Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
