when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
