maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
did you just send me my own nude
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
