i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
