She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
