he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
