i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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