The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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