At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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