i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
