He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
