i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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