P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
