on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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