It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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