His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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