it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
