Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
