So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
