I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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