DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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