I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
