The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
