if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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