i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
