My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
