Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
where are you?
Hypothermia
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
