ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
