you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
