and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
