you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We left the knife in your bed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
