guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
