how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
