she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
