How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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