I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My ATM looks so different sober.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
