Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
