Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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