You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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