did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
