my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
