just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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