time to smoke my breakfast
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
