I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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