is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
