I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We just shotgunned beers for America
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
