I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
