Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
