But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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