just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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