hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
