Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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