I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
