Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
