What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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