yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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