there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
