I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
