Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i dont even know how to be here
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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