You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
