What did we do last night that was yellow?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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