TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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