There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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