Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
