Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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