you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
