You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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